


The Rules of Camelot

by RavenclawVulcanofCamelot



Category: Merlin (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:37:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7802128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawVulcanofCamelot/pseuds/RavenclawVulcanofCamelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rules for those who live and work in the king's castle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rules of Camelot

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.

**The Rules of Camelot**

1\. The king and Sirs Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan and Mordred do not need code names. 

2\. If they did, those code names would not be Wart, Shirley Temple, Casanova, Mr. Muscles, Smithy, and Teddy Bear.\ 

3\. Do not call the king a dollop head, clotpole, or prat. 

4\. Rule 3 does not apply to Merlin. 

5\. King Arthur's last name is not Pratdragon. 

6\. Adding "my lord" to the end of an insult does not make it polite. 

7\. Adding Uther's face to practice dummies is entirely inappropriate. Especially if Arthur sees it. 

8\. While you may find it amusing to pull on Sir Leon's hair and watch it spring back into place, he does not. 

9\. If you value your life do not refer to the queen as a "gold digger", especially within the hearing of King Arthur or Sir Elyan. 

10\. Do not tell the king that he and Morgana "take sibling rivalry way too far". 

11\. Do not ask Sir Mordred if his nanny realizes he left the nursery. 

12\. Do not lock all of the knights in a room together and tell them you aren't letting them out until they talk about their feelings. 

13\. Stop insinuating that there's something odd about the way our enemies have a tendency to trip and fall or get hit on the head by tree branches. Our enemies are clumsy and Camelot has very loyal trees. 

14\. Do not steal all the apples from the palace kitchen and hide them in your room. (This means you, Gwaine.) 

15\. Do not challenge Sir Gwaine to a drinking contest. 

16\. Do not get drunk and climb onto the Round Table and sing love songs at the top of your lungs. (Again, this means you Gwaine.) 

17\. If the king asks you for something do not say "What's the magic word?" then proceed to look terrified and say, "I swear I'm not a sorcerer! Please don't execute me!" 

18\. There is no longer a dragon living under the castle. And even if there was we would not offer "free dragon rides". 

19\. Do not ask Sir Percival for a piggyback ride. 

20\. When a prisoner is placed in the dungeons, do not place bets on how long it will take for them to break out. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please review! I hope you found at least some of these funny. And I realize number two references things that would not be known about in Camelot, but whatever.


End file.
